What to say when it gets MESSY
by Jackie Pelland, Founder & Leadership expert and coach at Slingshot25
Every leader eventually faces it: the moment when someone on the team behaves inappropriately. Maybe it’s disruptive. Maybe it’s subtle. But it crosses a line—and it needs to be addressed.
Most leaders were never taught how to handle these conversations the right way. That’s where this four-chapter framework comes in. It’s simple, powerful, and designed to move people forward.
Here’s how it works.
Chapter 1: Be Curious
Assume nothing. Ask everything. The first move isn’t confrontation—it’s curiosity.
“I’d like to talk about the moment you abruptly left the meeting and slammed the door. I’m curious what led you to do that?”
Curiosity opens the door to understanding. It shifts the conversation from reactive to productive.
Chapter 2: Be Empathetic
Empathy doesn’t let someone off the hook. It acknowledges the emotion that led to the behavior.
“It’s understandable that you felt frustrated. Differing opinions about complicated problems can cause tensions to rise. That’s normal.”
This isn’t approval—it’s acknowledgment. And it matters.
Chapter 3: Be Clear
Don’t soften the message. Don’t dance around it. Be direct about what crossed the line.
“What’s not okay is to leave the meeting and slam the door, even if you’re really frustrated.”
Clarity is not cruelty. It’s a form of respect.
Chapter 4: Believe in Others
This is the move that turns correction into leadership: expressing belief in someone’s ability to grow.
“I know you’re capable of handling frustration in a more constructive way. What do you think a better response might look like next time?”
Challenge + belief = growth.
This framework won’t give you magical outcomes. People are messy. Conversations don’t follow scripts. But it does give leaders four solid moves that work in the real world:
- Start with curiosity
- Acknowledge the emotion
- Set a clear boundary
- Believe in the person
Reflection Questions
- Which part of this framework feels hardest for me to practice?
- How could this approach change how I address performance issues?
- Where else might this be useful—even in more subtle situations?
Slingshot25’s Conversations That Move People Forward course equips leaders to handle real-world challenges with clarity, empathy, and purpose. These conversations are the core of leadership, and we teach you how to get them right.
Contact us to learn more.
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