J: Welcome to Slingshot25’s Shotcast, a series of bite sized podcasts that will feel like an espresso shot straight to your brain. I’m Jackie. And I’m Courtney. Something that we’ve been thinking about is this thing we call the third option club. Now, you probably won’t recognize exactly what that is, so allow me to explain.
J: The third option club is something we started referencing in response to a quote that we love. I mean, just, it like changed your life kind of quote. I’m not usually moved by a meme or a bumper sticker, but this one did the trick. The quote from Cy Wakeman is, stay in joy or leave in peace. There is no third option.
J: And of course, she’s getting at this idea that if it’s. If it’s really that painful for you to experience your, you know, your life in, in, you know, the job that you have, the clubs that you’ve joined, if it’s not working for you anymore, it’s time to go and to go without, you know, without, without shame and without shaming anyone on the way out the door.
J: That’s what it means. Or do some work and get okay with where you are. Exactly. Find joy where you are or get out. There is no third option. And that’s what we loved about the statement is. You can’t stay in that third space, which is neither joy nor peace.
C: Yeah. And then we find ourselves saying a lot, because people choose it all the time.
C: We modified the quote to say there’s a club and it’s a big one. Like you could fill a stadium with people who are hanging out in the third option club, right? They’re hanging out in disappointment. They’re hanging out in resentment. They’re hanging out in fear. They’re hanging out in a personal favorite, like self-righteousness, right?
C: And you’re just so not happy. Not peaceful and just hanging on and what happens is People sort of think that like holding on to that stuff is helping them, but it’s actually just toxic It’s hurt. It’s it hurts you to stay in the third option club. Like it hurts you to be mad all the time It hurts you to be disappointed and as we take energy to be disappointed to be angry to hold on to our grievance We’re actually kind of You It’s like, it’s shitty to work with.
C: Right? Like as we’re describing this, as I’m saying this, like there’s someone you work with that probably their face popped in your head because you’re like, Oh my gosh, that person, if it was a radio station, they’re like right on that channel all the time.
J: Yeah.
C: And it’s not. Like we just talk about healthy, not healthy, helpful, not helpful.
C: It’s understandable, right? Things happen to us. We have what we call moral injuries But man, is it not healthy you can be mad for a while But at some point you got to set that stuff down and let it go
J: Yeah, and that’s what honestly makes it so hard and let’s there’s probably like a little disclaimer here There are days that you kind of Stray, maybe, into the third option club’s lobby.
J: Mm hmm. But you don’t like if you’re flying and they let you into the Emeralds Club?
C: Or you sneak in there? I don’t know. I get out. I
J: think that’s a car rental club, but, you know. Oh, wait. What’s the one at American Airlines? Anyway.
C: I don’t know. I just, I don’t know because they’ve never let me in.
J: So maybe you go into the lobby for a minute, but you don’t actually, you’re not like a card carrying member of the third option club.
J: We all have our days where we just kind of want to sit with our resentment. Hey, that’s, that’s normal. We’re not, we’re not really judging that, but it’s a matter of how, how often you go there and how long you stay there. So the reason that it’s, it’s so hard to get out. of that club is because, as you mentioned, Courtney, you have to set something down and setting something down is really hard because what you have to set down is, is essentially your grievance.
J: It’s your moral injuries and that takes a lot of courage and I might suggest it takes humility fueled courage, meaning you have to get over yourself. You have to, um, you, and it’s, I describe it sometimes, it’s almost like swallowing glass. You know, it just, it just doesn’t feel right. I want to, I want to stay here and nurture my self righteousness and my grievance and I want to, you know, figuratively land a punch.
J: I want someone to feel how upset I am, what they’ve done to me. I want my hurt, my slights, all of that. I want that validated and you know, the thing we say to people is it will never be as rewarding as you think it is. That’s
C: right. I give. An example, I teach a longer version in my master class, but I was once reorganized onto a team that I didn’t choose.
C: I didn’t want to be a part of, and they did a team building thing and they invited me, which is great, right? Cause I’m supposed to meet my new team. And uh, I was holding on to just, I mean, I was just exactly what you described. Like this was not like, you don’t see me, you don’t value me. You don’t know me.
C: I got friends. Right. And how I showed up didn’t land the punch. How I showed up, probably the most damaging part of it. other than the effect I had of the people in the meeting. But the truly most damaging part was in that moment. And honestly, it was a three day trip. So it’s a long moment. It’s kind of not a moment, it’s days.
C: I wasn’t aligned to my values. Like, that is a very uncomfortable place to live. When you are someone who is genuinely curious, who tries to be a good person, who tries not to be an asshole most of the time, and you show up for three days being a jerk to people you don’t even know because you think they’re nice.
C: That you didn’t deserve what you got. It’s not a great look and it’s not a way to live.
J: That’s right. That’s exactly right. So we invite all of you to think about where in your life are you, you know, have you become a card carrying member of the third option Club and And what’s it going to take for you to essentially get over, get over your moral injuries?
J: It’s not easy. I don’t expect it to be easy, I know it’s hard, uh, but I want you to imagine yourself on the other side of that. Imagine yourself in the world that Cy Wakeman paints with her quote of, stay in joy or leave in peace. But for goodness sakes, this third option is no place to be. So we invite you to take a look at your life and see where you can make some changes.
J: So, I guess that’s all for this episode of our Shotcast. But of course, of course, we always have much more to say. And if you want more, drop us a line at slingshot25.com. Until next time.